Miley, its definately the climb

I get woke up this morning by an ass tap. "Hey dude you want to go somewhere?" my boss says. "We leaving the camp?" I say. "Yeah were heading to _________". So I jump up get a coffee, do some personal hygiene.

Now you may think 'leaving the camp' is as easy as 'leaving the camp'. Well the military likes to create 'red tape'. I can't describe the paperwork you need to have to leave. What I can say is that we were missing something from it. One sheet of paper in this packet of garbage needed drive off this camp. We go back, locate what we were missing and went on our merry way.

Now were driving on the Kuwaiti highway. People in Kuwait have no consideration for stops, yields, turn signals, speed or any type of road safety. Overall there driving habits can be summed up in one word 'fearless'. It must stem from the belief 'in shallah' or 'if god wills it'. Unfortunately I would like to believe the higher power may will 'good' things. However I am a realist, I know if god gave me a brain he surely intended I use it. So if 'god wills it', he intended me not to drive like a moron and know better. Arabs just like people in the west, fall back on silly phrases that are a catch all for stupidity. To be fair, so I'm not jocking one culture, we 'blame it all on the alcohol'. Enough of my silly rants....

Were taking this whole few hour trip to locate a soldiers bags. He lost them on the flight in and two weeks go by till we actually search for them. Red tape, his unwillingness to constantly bring up the matter and the failure of one reserve soldier to do his job led to this. We get to _______ and we do the building jumping thing. "We don't do lost bags here go to the Apod". "They normal store those at the C-Tac". "If you head over to tent J and talk to Sergeant So and So". I am running around in one hundred and thirty degree heat. I am losing my paitence. I speak my mind. "WHERE THE F*** ARE LOST BAGS TURNED IN AT.. DON'T TELL ME TO GO BACK TO..... [insert everywhere I've been already]. I yell at this little female air force chick relentlessly. She frantically jumps into action. We get a claim form and were good to go. I felt bad about yelling at her, but I didn't apoligize. I was riding my "You work in Kuwait and I'm going to Afghanistan where people die" horse today. Oh and the McDonalds at this camp was great, Super Size Me... please.

We get back on the road and start to head back to our camp. Little did we know where we'd be going. "Take a right here, its _______ in 800 meters". "Did you see the Burger King we passed on the way out of here?". Remember, we are driving in a civilian vehicle in a middle eastern country. Kuwait is like a desert America. However its still the middle east. "Are we at Wally World yet" I ask, attempting to be a smart ass. "We four kings are lost in the desert" I sing audibly to build upon my smart assery. "What the hell is that up ahead?" We pull up to something that looks like crossing the border to mexico. We pull up to the booth and ask for directions back to ________. The Kuwaiti man in the window clearly says "Iran". Everyone in the vehicle knows its geographically impossible however this word told to soldiers in the middle east inspires fear. "How do we get to ______?". He points northward out of his booth and says "Saudi Arabia". I'm amazed that I'm at the saudi border at this point. After being directed where to go we turn around with haste. The thought crosses my mind of jumping out of the vehicle and crossing into Saudi. 'Let me just start another life' I pondered. 'I know enough about Arab culture to do it'. The problem with this idea, everything. The heat is begininng to rot my brain. I do not realize this till I'm typing right now.

We get back to out original camp after alot more driving. We laugh at what had happened. We discuss what we would have done if Saudi police drew guns on us. I bring up the show 'Locked Up Abroad'. The laughter ends after some of the disgusting scernairos I present from that show. I vasque in the fear I have created within the vehicle. Once again the sun has rotted my brain.

The MWR (Military Welfare and Recreation) was holding some video game competitions. I played some Dance Dance Revolution. "Play that funky music white boy..." the game plays loudly. I bounce from pad to pad with my white socked feet. Everyone who knows me stares at me like I just survived cancer. I won some semi expensive 'PINK' head phones for this. Everyone is surprised at my DDR skills. I enjoy being the earths center.

I come to Starbucks to type all this up and put it on my blog. The internet is not working properly. I go out to the smoking pit and find a group of deliqeunts. "Hey create a diversion around the starbucks employees so I can reset the modem". They go and start making alot of noise and become very annoying. I secretly save the internet for everyone. I once again and the earths center.

In summary, today I:

Yelled at a Airmen
Went to Saudi Arabia
Ate at McDonalds
Amazed people with DDR skills
Won pink head phones
Saved the Wi Fi internet at Starbucks

Carpe Diem